Be Careful of your placement on the game board.
There is a strategy to scheduling a first date that has nothing to do with your availability. By my age, most have figured this out. I am just now getting it.
I never understood a friend of mine’s rule of no first dates on the weekend nights. The way she explains it is that she works all week long and only has two nights on the weekend to do what she wants and have fun and she will not schedule a first date on one of those nights. Why not? I don’t understand. Seems like that would be so much fun. I am really excited to get out there and meet new people and do something fun with someone new.
In her mind, first dates are not guaranteed to be fun. In fact, she said that they can be downright painful. There’s too much pressure to “have fun” and with weekend night dates, people get over ambitious and locked in. Instead she schedules after work drinks or Saturday afternoon coffee get-togethers. That way, she can talk to the guy, meet him in person in a no pressure situation and there’s a limited time frame. Both parties can enjoy their drinks/coffees and then if it’s going well, you find something else to do, if not….you run like hell and don’t look back. Then you have a good story to tell to your friends when you go out to have actual fun on Saturday night. She had a lot of input into this paragraph and even sent me a little disclaimer about putting so much thought into the whole process, which I found hysterical. Really she is saving me from making some mistakes she has already been though, so, input, input, input! I’ll take what I can get.
Another bit of advice I have gotten is to never, ever eat on a first date. Drinks or coffee only. That way if you are bored out of your mind or the guy is a tool, you can suck down your drink and get out, and again, run like hell! Seems to be a common theme going here. Escape routes. Hmmm, food for thought. Oh wait, I can’t eat. I would never have thought of this. Again, I am so grateful for these people keeping me out of harms way.
My next really important bit of advice, if not slightly strange and a little weird is the use of “grannie panties” and NO, yes ladies, NO shaving. WHAT! Seems a little backwards for a first date. Should I not wear deodorant either? Well, shower and wear deodorant, but if you put on the “that time of the month” underwear and don’t shave your legs, you won’t be letting those pants come off and regret it later. Come on, are we so out of control of ourselves; we need to go to these extremes to ensure we keep our pants on? Yup. That’s all I have to say about that!
The last notable piece of advice that I have gotten is that when you are going to meet up for a first date, you don’t want to go anywhere where you will be seen by anyone you know. This could become completely awkward and kill the mood if a bunch of your friends or people from high school were to walk in and see you on that very obvious first date. I know my group of friends and can only imagine the things they would put me through.
It’s not that I don’t get excited about a date or think about it. I guess I have just not looked at it like a game of Chess or Stratego. Trying to navigate my way through without stepping on any bombs. Now, relax and go have some fun! Yeah, right.
I do have to say, after meeting a couple of people out for drinks, I think I would much rather schedule something during the day that involved some sort of activity. Getting coffee and walking around the city was one suggestion. Although, I can see how the harsh MA winter would make that kind of tough. I have had great conversations with these guys, but admit that I would have been a lot more comfortable and had more fun if we were actually doing something while trying to get to know each other better.
I am changing the way I feel about dating. No matter how much you despise games, that is what it is about. For your own self-preservation, it needs to be. With all the rules about scheduling, when and how often to call, questions of chemistry, and when to take the next step, it can be overwhelming, and for crying out loud, when is it okay to finally eat?
