Over the past few months, I have had some really funny conversations with friends, family and co-workers that have been most informative and oh, if you could only be a fly on the wall. Here are some of the highlights of conversations I never thought I would be having in places I would never have thought to have them.
So it’s right around Thanksgiving, and I am out with some friends to celebrate. Actually it was the same bar the ninety-year-old man just about accosted me in. There was a group of us including one of my long-time childhood friends whom I am very comfortable with. Standing room only, that’s okay, we were all hanging out having good conversation and laughing.
I got my bracelet caught on my shirt and needed my friend to help me untangle it. While untangling my bracelet, she looked at me and told me I needed a new bra. Yup, just like that. She then proceeded to start feeling me up in the middle of the bar telling me just what was wrong with the placement of the one I was wearing and physically showing me where I needed my boobs to be. We attracted quite an audience, as you can imagine. The guy sitting at the bar next to where we were standing told us that if I let her feel me up again, he would gladly give up his seats. Seems like a fair trade to me. Score! My chest hadn’t had that much attention in a long time!
It seems like the bra topic just kept going from there. The girls at work were talking about these fantastic new push-up bras at Target that could give you a black eye, and another friend took it upon herself to measure me right there in her condo. Maybe I should have been a lesbian? I got it girls! Newly single = all new underthings! I do have to say, that even when no one but me gets to see my new digs, I feel like I have a little secret going on under my “mom” clothes.
Moving on, it’s not that I haven’t kept up with myself. Please don’t get that idea. Things really change over time. For instance, let’s look at the whole bikini area shaping trend. I had done the whole laser hair removal thing a few years back and loved it. Not having had reason to have these conversations before now, I wasn’t up on all the latest trends. Shapes, styles, and lengths? Are we highlighting now too???? How about a giant arrow that says Down here!
Just when I think I am getting the hang of everything one of the girls at work was talking about a customer and her FMB’s. What the hell are those? Have I really been under a rock all these years? I was embarrassed to ask, but my face must have said it all because she looked at me and said, “You don’t know what those are, do you?” Well, now that I am looking at dating again, FMB’s are on the must-have list with the push-up bra. I don’t know if there are any of you out there like me but just for clarification, FMB’s are Fuck Me Boots.
I was all set and about to leave work to head home to get ready for my first date and go to grab my lipstick. Now I get a lecture, again from the girls at work, that I need more than one lipstick and that actually I shouldn’t be wearing lipstick at all. It’s all about the lip-gloss and having wet, kissable lips. Seriously, I will tell you all later about my first date and how my kissable lip-gloss went to waste, but what would I do with out these girls? Thank God I got a job when my husband left me! Never mind learning Microsoft Office, there are more important things to be learned at work!
All of what I have to say is very tongue-in-cheek and said to make you laugh, but in all seriousness, it really is difficult to get back out there after living one life for so long. I have met some wonderful people on this journey I am taking, who have been through very similar things and I wouldn’t have gotten through this the same without them. When I look at where they are now, I am so hopeful. All of them have come through as strong, vibrant, positive, successful women. I think of this whenever things start to bring me down or I think I can’t do something. I hope that someday, someone going through this will be inspired to fight on because of me.
