Progress when I wasn't looking

As I have said in previous blog entries, I have been discussing some pretty random, personal things lately.  Some things are more serious than others.  Some are simply for pure laugh therapy.  This entry is one of the latter.  There are times when I truly believe that I wouldn’t have made it through the last year if I didn’t have the people around me that I do. Today, I’m talking about the type of friend that can sit with me, in a restaurant, on St. Patty’s day and discuss the following topic in public!  You know who you are and I love you!  This entry is all for you!

What the heck am I talking about now?  **Insert parental warning here. ** A topic that believe it or not, has come up quite a bit lately.   Manscaping!  I know, what am I thinking, but you know you are all dying to read what I have to say on the subject, aren’t you.

Part of the re-invention of myself is talking about all the things I was told I was not allowed to talk about.  One of the things that I have heard the most about my “married” personality is that I was in a shell and was always the quiet, well-behaved, proper wife.  I remember when I was 21 and wanted to get my eye-brow pierced and was told by my spouse that I could not and if I did, he would not be seen in public with me.  When Spot left, everyone was shocked because I never told anyone any of the things that went on.  Most everyone thought we were perfect.  I became private to an unhealthy degree.  I am finding such freedom in discussing things with people nowadays, and am getting quite the education!

I digress.  Back to the subject at hand because I know you don’t care about that other stuff.   Manscaping…OMG! It’s wonderful and about time!  I wonder, is there a way for me to add this to my match profile along with height and body type?  I would even sacrifice on other things to make this a priority.  Don’t get me wrong, I like a man to be a man and if he takes longer than me to get ready to go out, that’s not good. 

All these years, women have been dealing with the expectation that we all have to look like porn stars “down there”, while we are stuck dealing with stinky, sweaty balls.  A few years back, I remember I had a conversation at the gym with a group of women on the elliptical machine.  We were laughing about all the “gym heads” shaving themselves from head to toe.  The collective opinion of the group seemed to be that this was weird and “unnatural”.  Well, really, is a heart shaped bikini area natural?????  I don’t think so.  Is putting hot wax all around the most sensitive area of our body, putting cloth over it and ripping it off, “natural”.  I think not.

Like I have said before, this has probably been going on for some time but I wouldn’t have any reason to know about it, and am thrilled to bits now that I do.  Now, if I could only get “winked” again.  ;)

Match or no Match

I have come to the end of my subscription to Match.com and need to decide whether or not I want to continue the insanity.  It has certainly been an interesting couple of months with it.  I have been on a handful of dates, had some really bizarre people contact me, and learned a lot about myself and what it is I want.  So, as I sit here contemplating entering in my credit card for another 3 months, I find myself thinking, if not online, where does one meet someone these days?

In the time I have been on my own, I have only met one person I did not already know and that was through a friend.  Work is no help.  I work with a bunch of females and in a women’s clothing store so any guys coming in are either with someone or buying for that someone.  I have never met anyone in a bar, and have been told I am completely unapproachable at the gym!

So, I started doing a little research of my own.  If any of you doubt what I found and am writing about and feel like a good laugh, I suggest you start by Googling “where and how to meet men.”  That’s where I started, and oh, the places you’ll go!!!!  Next, I turned to Cosmo at the nail salon. Then I actually got some input from some of the men I know including one guy I met on Match (Okay, just so you don’t think I am a complete social retard, I did not ask him where to meet a guy; he brought up some of the topics in conversation).  It was a bit weird actually because I had just been looking at some of the Internet info and talked to him on the phone shortly after and he mentioned all the things he has heard about how to meet women and I swear he looked at the same website!

So let’s get to it then, and review some of these insane things.  No wonder people are having such a hard time and these Internet dating sites can charge so much.  I cannot see myself taking up any one of these suggestions, and would love to hear if any of you have ever tried them or if they have ever worked. 

First bit of advice I stumbled upon; rent a fancy sports car and “cruise.”  Are you serious?  This is like the guy who says he is athletic and toned on Match and has a Buddha belly when you meet him.  What happens if you do meet a guy and then he finds out it’s not your car, that you really drive a minivan?  We are starting out lying now and that’s good advice?????  Also, I don’t want a to meet a guy that wants to fuck my car, I want him to be into me.  If I need to dress it up that much, thanks but no thanks. 

Second, pace the frozen food section at the grocery store.  Really?  Now I have to make like I can’t cook and I am a complete bimbo and need help picking out frozen pizza?  I’m sorry, I don’t know when the hot, single men grocery shop, but I must not be going at the right times.  Can someone let me in on when I should be grocery shopping?  The people I see there I don’t want even looking at me.  I am not taking time to stop and ask your thoughts on anything!  Not to mention the fact that if the guy is loading up on frozen food, he’s probably not my type.   Sorry.

Next, wander Home Depot looking helpless and lost.  Again, is the only way to meet a man to look like a brainless idiot?  As girls, I feel like we can’t win.  They say guys want a mental challenge but to first meet him, act like a ditz.  I wonder about the logistics of this one too.  If I go to Home Depot like I usually do, in the middle of a house or yard project, believe me, no one is going to want to ask me out.  If I get all dolled up to strut up and down the aisles, I will stand out like a sore thumb and look like a fool, and again, no one will want to ask me out. 

Moving on, take your dog to the dog park.  Okay, I don’t have too much to say about this one.  I haven’t been to a dog park but it’s probably the only one I could see actually working if it hadn’t been for the fact that the author of the article suggested if you don’t own a dog, borrow one.  Again the lies…

Last and by no means least is the gym.  I saved this one for last because this one struck a nerve with me as I have had personal experience with it.  This one came up in an article in Cosmo written by a personal trainer.  I can barely type, I am laughing so hard at the absurdity of this.  This is pretty detailed, multi-step advice, so pay attention girls!  Step one, don’t work out!  No, really, I am serious.  It actually said, don’t run, or workout too heavily on the weights.  You should just meander about the gym looking cute and look like you are supposed to be doing something, making it apparent that you are open to conversation. (I don’t know about you, but I don’t have 5 hours to sit around and look open)  When you find someone you might be interested in, ask him to teach you how to work one of the machines.  For Christ sake, do not even approach the free weights!  Your dating life would be over!  Also, don’t sweat, and do not listen to an IPod.

Okay, that’s why I haven’t met anyone at my gym.  Not even other women.  I guess I have been breaking every rule written.  Why don’t they just post these rules in the women’s locker room?  Because they are so fucking stupid, that’s why!

I actually do have a friend who was my personal trainer a while back and who actually suggested some of these things to me and told me I was unapproachable.  I could not believe this at first.  He basically told me I was intimidating and looked like I did not want anyone to talk to me.  I don’t see this in me but am taking the constructive criticism and thinking about it.  What was I doing so wrong?  Well, if you can believe my audacity, I was not only running and sweating, but also listening to my iPod all at once!  I am going to be an old maid!!!! 

I’m sorry, but I flat out refuse to change my gym workout to meet a man.  This brings me full circle and back to Match.  Plugging in the credit card number for another three months as we speak.  I have met a couple nice guys, am going on a second date with one of them this weekend, and am learning to take the crazies as comic relief.  The alternative to online dating at this point seems pretty depressing…

Decoding mixed signals

Do you have any idea on how many books are written for women on dating do’s and don’ts?  Neither do I actually.  Although, with a little time I am sure Supermom could figure it out!  These people are making a fortune!  What are we all doing so wrong, and what of all the conflicting advice, or is this some crazy marketing scheme to keep us all buying?  Ladies, if you are purchasing these materials, I suggest some stock in Barnes and Noble. 

A little bit ago, I spent the most wonderfully lazy Saturday with a good friend of mine.  I need to give her a really good “alter ego” name because I reference her quite often in my blogs.  She is someone I have known almost my whole life, whose advice I truly value if sometimes only for the comedic value!  Anyhow, we had such a nice day just hanging around, drinking coffee and talking. It was during one of these conversations that I expressed my frustration in not being able to understand all the conflicting signals I had been getting from some guys I had been seeing. 

She had quite a bit to say on this subject. After a minute or two she went into her office and came out with “reference” material on the subject. 

The Reference Guide is a very in depth analysis on the subject matter with plenty of “research” and case study test data to back up the findings put forth in the book.  I would recommend this as a required tool to anyone in the dating community.  This book was so successful in breaking down the subject matter; it was made into a movie titled “He’s Just Not That into You”.

I had seen this movie a while back and thought it was cute and funny.  I believed the women portrayed in it a little overdone.  Come on, do women really act this ridiculous or are they overdramatizing common dating mistakes to make a point and sell the movie?  While I don’t think I have gone to the extreme of some of the characters in the film, I have to admit, I am confused by all conflicting signals I have gotten and have been that girl looking at my phone wondering.  Ugh!  Yeah, hard to admit, but I am sure I am not alone.  Anyway, as I accepted the book from my friend with a smile, I was secretly thinking, “How the hell is this supposed to help me?” 

Holy shit!  It’s my new bible!  I have referred back to this book so many times I think I may need to buy my friend a new copy!  While I don’t think I quite fit the description of some of the sad, pathetic girls shown in the book, I have learned quite a bit and am getting really good at walking away.  Because really, I don’t care what shit you have going on in your head, if you can’t be bothered, why should I spend another second?  He’s just not into me.  And you know what, that’s okay.  It’s certainly better than carrying on and investing more time to find this same info out three months from now.  I am single, out there, and pretty fucking cool if I do say so myself, so moving on.  Someone out there is bound to appreciate my awesomeness.   (I did say I liked Barney from How I Met your Mother.)   Until then, I have great friends to annoy and so much material for this blog. 

Really though, it does help.  For now, I am having some fun reading and “doing research” ;) 

I still don’t understand sometimes why a guy will ask me to go out again, just to blow me off.  He could very easily just say, “Hey this was fun, see you later.”  Don’t ask me what my schedule is and if we can do this again next week.  Whatever, the change has been in me.  Now, instead of wondering what the heck happened, I just think, well, he’s just not into me.  He’s clearing the path and getting out of the way for someone who is.  So, for what it’s worth, thanks!

Temper tantrums and time-outs

Ever notice sometimes that the basic rules we were taught (or most of us were taught) about being polite and courteous are no longer recognized by some adults? Ever notice some adults act like the toddlers we see throwing temper tantrums in the candy aisle when their mom says, “No Johnny, you can’t have the Swedish Fish today.”

Let’s review a few of the rules I use in my house, shall we?

1.  If you do not have something nice to say, keep your mouth shut.
2.  Everyone is entitled to have a bad day. It’s not ok to take it out on those around you.
3. Words are powerful and they can hurt. You can’t “unsay” them or take them back.
4. If you feel like having a “temper tantrum”, go nuts, but go to your room and have it out all you want.  The rest of us should not have to deal with it.  Come back down when you have gotten it all out of your system.

Recently, as I have been getting out more, I’ve become more aware of how people treat each other and how they treat themselves.  For the last 15 years I have tried to teach my kids to be courteous and considerate to those around them, and mindful of the feelings of others.   I have recently encountered a few adults who were absent the day in their childhood that this was taught.  I notice it when my son will hold a door for an adult that doesn’t say thank you.  You bet your ass if the roles were reversed, that adult would comment on how rude my son was.  I notice it with people in power positions or in someone positioning themselves for power and control.  Its kind of like dealing with little Johnny who wants the Swedish Fish now and to be honest it’s very annoying.

I’m one of those people that will usually take a lot and let it roll off my back, but have noticed lately more adult Johnny’s then I’d like to, and admit it’s starting to wear me thin. I am sometimes hurt, or upset, but it takes quite a bit to make me mad or angry.  A lot of times I just see things as not worth the effort or aggravation, other times I know an argument is futile, or I feel it is really about the other person and not so much about me.  I don’t like confrontation; that is true.  When in these situations I will usually ask myself, what do I want to get out of this? If I put the energy into confronting someone I feel has wronged me in some way, will my confrontation get the desired effect I am looking for. 

For many years, I was trained to not “air the dirty laundry”, never make a scene, and always be pleasant.  Do you know what happens to those people?  They get walked on and used as a doormat.  The more time that goes by lately, the more I realize this is what I was.  It’s part of the reason I am going through what I am now.  I have wanted to change this part of myself, but it’s not like I can just wiggle my nose and make it happen.

What at first appeared to be a negative change in my life has actually given me so much to look forward to.  Yes, it can be sad and frustrating sometimes but I think of all the positive, wonderful people I have met and things that are happening right now and I don’t have the time or the energy for the rest of it.  The more I go through and the more I accomplish, the stronger and more confident I feel.  I am feeling very different and I think the people closest to me are starting to see the effects of this, but I am frustrated now about the way I am still treated by some.  You see, they have always treated me this way and gotten away with it, the difference now being that I now I see it for what it is and have a problem with it.  I recognized my change in attitude today when verbally attacked by someone I know.  It’s not the first time, it happens quite a bit with this person.  I have always just blown it off as that’s just her and she can’t handle things when stressed.  I tell myself not to take it personally.  Well, you know what, it is personal. 

So how did I deal with it? First, I did a very rough draft of this blog, while angry and sent it to a friend.  Normally, I won’t engage and I didn’t, but my good friend who still has little ones reminded me of a book that became invaluable to me when my kids were little.  1, 2, 3 Magic!  I am basically using the very same method and some good old-fashioned ignoring (silence is probably the most powerful tool) to deal with some of these pampered, overindulged adults.

So, a shout out to those who think they can dump when they are having a bad day.  Find someone else, or go get some help for your bi-polar disorder! I myself am over the temper tantrums. I didn’t engage in them when my kids were little and I am certainly not going to start now.  The new me is all about strength, confidence and empowerment and it’s amazing what three words can do to your attitude and constitution.

Please don’t take my silence as a sign I will just take it or that this is okay and we are good.  Unlike some people I will not blow up at you or rant and rave or throw things.  I will however make the decision that you and your episodes are not worth my time or energy.  I am only letting in the positive from life these days.  The negative will not be allowed but watch out as I may use it as material for this blog.  Life is too short and you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  Your words and actions can have a serious impact on those around you, whether you mean it or not. 

First date fiasco

Back in the game folks, here’s a recap of My “First” First Date

Someone “Upstairs” is sitting, eating popcorn, and laughing their ass off right now. If I make it to heaven, I am coming after you! 

Okay, so it’s time to talk about my first date.  I had met a guy on Match that made it all the way to the phone call stage (that’s a big step for me). I really enjoyed talking with him so we decided to meet for drinks.  Just drinks, no dinner, remember?  It was also a Thursday. He must have read the same book as my girlfriend who sat me down and gave me the all-important first date rules. 

Anyway, I was really excited to meet him and had to work that day.  The girls at work were so funny.  I got drilled and received lots of opinions about my outfit, underwear, what to eat and drink, whether to kiss or not, and of course, my lipstick lecture.  By the time I left work, I felt pretty sure I had it all down and was ready for anything. 

Ha!  They don’t know me.  One thing this guy and I hadn’t talked about or shared with each other was our last names.  I figured we would over drinks.  It didn’t worry me too much.  About 400 people knew where I was going to be and were ready to bail me out via text if he was a freak.  He wasn’t. 

He got to the bar early to ensure that we got a seat, but told me not to rush.  He then sent me a text to ask what I would like to drink so he could have one waiting for me when I arrived.  How sweet.  When I walked in I have to say he looked exactly like his picture.  Not bad.  No OMG! or anything, but I wasn’t expecting that. 

We fell easily into conversation and I was really enjoying myself, thinking my friends don’t know a fig about first dates and that all these rules are stupid.   It must have been going well, because I had already eaten, but he said he hadn’t and that we had to order food.  So, he wasn’t running away.  Good sign. 

We were discussing online dating and how crazy it can be and he mentioned how Google search had been helpful to him with this.  I laughed and said, yes, it helps if you know the person’s last name.  He laughed and told me his last name and then… I made the fatal mistake of telling him mine.

No lie.  I tell this guy my last name… before I go on, for sake of privacy, I’ve changed my last name to Jameson. You know, I am starting to think every girl should have a really good alter-ego porn star name. 

Anyway he looks at me and says, “Jameson”?  I know a Jameson.  He’s been my accountant for about 25 years.  He does my father’s taxes, my mother’s, my sister’s, my business, my ex’s (you get the point).  His name is Meathead.  Is that one of your cousins?” 

At this point, I believed that I heard all of that wrong.  I must have, so I look at him and say “Meathead, from ……” 

He says, ”Yeah.” 

I am moving in slow motion now and put down my wine, turn to him and say, “nope, not a cousin, Jameson is my married name, Meathead is my ex brother-in-law.” 

That folks, was my first date.  What are the odds?  I am trying to figure this out.  How many men are on Match, and how did I find the one who knows my ex’s family, and well at that. Come on!!!  Give me a break!  They are from complete opposite sides of the state!

We did laugh and hang out for a while.  He did quite a good Meathead impression and while he told me he was not going to fire his accountant, he did say he wanted to see me again.  Big surprise, he hasn’t called. 

Back to Match, and this time I am getting a last name and CORI check before I go on a date.  Oh yes, and you know the thing about the seven degrees to Kevin Bacon?  I am doing that too!

More than just my groceries

Because Sometimes You will hit a Speed bump going too fast

I have found a great therapy for singles out there who sometimes get frustrated or a little down about their situation.  To top it off, it’s completely free!

GO GROCERY SHOPPING!  Yes, you did read this right.  Just hear me out.  I have been getting a lot of very good advice lately about how to get back out there and what to do, but this is something that I can speak about with good understanding.

I was recently having one of those “feeling sorry for myself” weekends.  I won’t go into the details because they are really not important but I was living it up at the pity party.  As good as I have been doing over the past few months, every now and again I hit a bump in the road and this was one of them.

Anyway, I don’t usually hit the grocery store on the weekends.  I will try to avoid it like the plague.  All those people, the rude elderly ones especially, and the screaming kids? No thanks.   However, I knew I had a busy week ahead of me and it needed to be done. 

Well, within 5 minutes in the store, I believe it was in aisle 4; I got the best therapy I have received to this day.  As I was navigating my way down the aisle, I encountered a husband and wife having a VERY public argument.  I know, I shouldn’t benefit from their misery, but these public displays are one of my pet peeves.  I don’t want to get too far off topic, but if you are going to do this type of thing out in public and make everyone around you uncomfortable, it’s your own damn fault. 

Back to the therapy session.   Seriously, the husband wanted to buy some chips.  The wife said the kids would eat the chips too quickly and they would be gone.  The husband told the wife that she should just control and monitor the portions the kids eat.  Well, as you might expect, it went WAY downhill from there. 

At this point, I was grinning from ear to ear and had my cell phone out to call a friend.  Laughing out loud, I told her why that was the best therapy I could get.  You see, as much as I don’t really like being alone sometimes, you couldn’t pay me to go back to that!!!!!!

Her advice to me……Take a trip to Home Depot.  The marital spats there are even more entertaining!

Human Chess Game

Be Careful of your placement on the game board.

There is a strategy to scheduling a first date that has nothing to do with your availability.   By my age, most have figured this out.  I am just now getting it. 

I never understood a friend of mine’s rule of no first dates on the weekend nights.  The way she explains it is that she works all week long and only has two nights on the weekend to do what she wants and have fun and she will not schedule a first date on one of those nights.  Why not?  I don’t understand.  Seems like that would be so much fun.   I am really excited to get out there and meet new people and do something fun with someone new. 

In her mind, first dates are not guaranteed to be fun. In fact, she said that they can be downright painful.  There’s too much pressure to “have fun” and with weekend night dates, people get over ambitious and locked in.  Instead she schedules after work drinks or Saturday afternoon coffee get-togethers.  That way, she can talk to the guy, meet him in person in a no pressure situation and there’s a limited time frame.  Both parties can enjoy their drinks/coffees and then if it’s going well, you find something else to do, if not….you run like hell and don’t look back.  Then you have a good story to tell to your friends when you go out to have actual fun on Saturday night.  She had a lot of input into this paragraph and even sent me a little disclaimer about putting so much thought into the whole process, which I found hysterical.  Really she is saving me from making some mistakes she has already been though, so, input, input, input!  I’ll take what I can get.

Another bit of advice I have gotten is to never, ever eat on a first date.  Drinks or coffee only. That way if you are bored out of your mind or the guy is a tool, you can suck down your drink and get out, and again, run like hell!  Seems to be a common theme going here.  Escape routes.  Hmmm, food for thought.  Oh wait, I can’t eat. I would never have thought of this.  Again, I am so grateful for these people keeping me out of harms way. 

My next really important bit of advice, if not slightly strange and a little weird is the use of “grannie panties” and NO, yes ladies, NO shaving.  WHAT!  Seems a little backwards for a first date.  Should I not wear deodorant either?  Well, shower and wear deodorant, but if you put on the “that time of the month” underwear and don’t shave your legs, you won’t be letting those pants come off and regret it later.  Come on, are we so out of control of ourselves; we need to go to these extremes to ensure we keep our pants on?    Yup.   That’s all I have to say about that!

The last notable piece of advice that I have gotten is that when you are going to meet up for a first date, you don’t want to go anywhere where you will be seen by anyone you know.  This could become completely awkward and kill the mood if a bunch of your friends or people from high school were to walk in and see you on that very obvious first date.  I know my group of friends and can only imagine the things they would put me through. 

It’s not that I don’t get excited about a date or think about it. I guess I have just not looked at it like a game of Chess or Stratego.  Trying to navigate my way through without stepping on any bombs.  Now, relax and go have some fun!  Yeah, right. 

I do have to say, after meeting a couple of people out for drinks, I think I would much rather schedule something during the day that involved some sort of activity.  Getting coffee and walking around the city was one suggestion.  Although, I can see how the harsh MA winter would make that kind of tough.  I have had great conversations with these guys, but admit that I would have been a lot more comfortable and had more fun if we were actually doing something while trying to get to know each other better. 

I am changing the way I feel about dating.  No matter how much you despise games, that is what it is about.  For your own self-preservation, it needs to be.  With all the rules about scheduling, when and how often to call, questions of chemistry, and when to take the next step, it can be overwhelming, and for crying out loud, when is it okay to finally eat?  

Maintenance of a different sort

Over the past few months, I have had some really funny conversations with friends, family and co-workers that have been most informative and oh, if you could only be a fly on the wall.  Here are some of the highlights of conversations I never thought I would be having in places I would never have thought to have them. 

So it’s right around Thanksgiving, and I am out with some friends to celebrate.  Actually it was the same bar the ninety-year-old man just about accosted me in.  There was a group of us including one of my long-time childhood friends whom I am very comfortable with.  Standing room only, that’s okay, we were all hanging out having good conversation and laughing. 

I got my bracelet caught on my shirt and needed my friend to help me untangle it.  While untangling my bracelet, she looked at me and told me I needed a new bra.  Yup, just like that.  She then proceeded to start feeling me up in the middle of the bar telling me just what was wrong with the placement of the one I was wearing and physically showing me where I needed my boobs to be.  We attracted quite an audience, as you can imagine.  The guy sitting at the bar next to where we were standing told us that if I let her feel me up again, he would gladly give up his seats.  Seems like a fair trade to me.  Score!  My chest hadn’t had that much attention in a long time!

It seems like the bra topic just kept going from there.  The girls at work were talking about these fantastic new push-up bras at Target that could give you a black eye, and another friend took it upon herself to measure me right there in her condo.  Maybe I should have been a lesbian?  I got it girls!  Newly single = all new underthings!  I do have to say, that even when no one but me gets to see my new digs, I feel like I have a little secret going on under my “mom” clothes. 

Moving on, it’s not that I haven’t kept up with myself.  Please don’t get that idea.  Things really change over time.  For instance, let’s look at the whole bikini area shaping trend.  I had done the whole laser hair removal thing a few years back and loved it.  Not having had reason to have these conversations before now, I wasn’t up on all the latest trends.  Shapes, styles, and lengths?  Are we highlighting now too????  How about a giant arrow that says Down here!

Just when I think I am getting the hang of everything one of the girls at work was talking about a customer and her FMB’s.  What the hell are those?  Have I really been under a rock all these years?  I was embarrassed to ask, but my face must have said it all because she looked at me and said, “You don’t know what those are, do you?” Well, now that I am looking at dating again, FMB’s are on the must-have list with the push-up bra.   I don’t know if there are any of you out there like me but just for clarification, FMB’s are Fuck Me Boots.

I was all set and about to leave work to head home to get ready for my first date and go to grab my lipstick.  Now I get a lecture, again from the girls at work, that I need more than one lipstick and that actually I shouldn’t be wearing lipstick at all.  It’s all about the lip-gloss and having wet, kissable lips.  Seriously, I will tell you all later about my first date and how my kissable lip-gloss went to waste, but what would I do with out these girls?  Thank God I got a job when my husband left me!  Never mind learning Microsoft Office, there are more important things to be learned at work!

All of what I have to say is very tongue-in-cheek and said to make you laugh, but in all seriousness, it really is difficult to get back out there after living one life for so long.  I have met some wonderful people on this journey I am taking, who have been through very similar things and I wouldn’t have gotten through this the same without them.  When I look at where they are now, I am so hopeful.  All of them have come through as strong, vibrant, positive, successful women.  I think of this whenever things start to bring me down or I think I can’t do something.  I hope that someday, someone going through this will be inspired to fight on because of me.

Maintenance 101

So, finding yourself suddenly single after 15 years of marriage brings on more challenges than you would think.  Dating is probably the most obvious one.  But now, here I was, having gone from my parents’ house to a house with a husband and now all of a sudden I have all this house maintenance to deal with and things to fix.  I am not an idiot but have to admit that while having a man around I didn’t learn certain things.  Now all of a sudden, I feel like I am on a reality show like Survivor, with the world watching to see if I flop, and I am all alone to figure this stuff out. 

Things most people don’t think about and seem pretty simple, threw me for a loop.  Out one day my tire was low in my car and I realized I had never gone to the gas station and put air in a tire.  How did I get to my age and never do this?  How do I work the machine and will I look like an idiot there if I can’t figure it out?  Fortunately I did have a friend that came to show me and didn’t laugh too much, at least not to my face.  Who knows what he did when he got back in his truck and drove away.   I even learned how to operate my own air compressor.  It wasn’t difficult and I knew it wouldn’t be, but when you’ve never had to do something and you are suddenly thrust into it, it’s a bit intimidating. 

A Parenting Class Pick-up joint?

For those of you who have not gotten married yet, or are not divorced, there is a mandatory class out there, that if you have children, you must take before your divorce can become final.

 I do not want this to become a political blog so I will be brief on this subject, but it figures the state found a way to squeeze more money out of people.  Nothing like dangling that certificate in the face of someone who can’t wait to get rid of the jackass they made the mistake of committing to legally.    I didn’t need to take a parenting class when I got pregnant, but now on top of all of my lawyer fees and court fees, I need to pay $160 and spend 5 hours of my life I will not get back, listening to someone lecture me on how divorce will affect my children.  Yes, you genius, they are going through hell right now. 

I am a proud Geek

This morning I am proud to be a geek! Never thought that would be something I would say. I gave up going out on a Friday night to get up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday that I don’t have my boys, to go to school. Yup, I’m a geek. What on earth is happening to me lately?

I would like to thank my fellow geek friend for this. Supermom, thanks for keeping on me even when I was pushing back. It is cool to be a geek nowadays right? Oh well, like I said I never have done what I’m supposed to, just ask my mother.

Some profile etiquette ideas for men

So it seems I have struck somewhat of a nerve in the online dating experience for women. I know some men who have had their issues with it as well but until I get some to follow and comment on my blog, it’s going to the women.

So here goes girls, and my one guy. Hopefully you will have some company soon. Since Stella is fond of you I am guessing you probably didn’t do any of these things anyway.

Okay boys, listen up.

Cougar Hunters and Booty Calls

Well, now here is an interesting one. I figure that if a girl can blog about cooking all of the recipes in Julia Child’s cookbook and have it become a best seller and a movie, surely people will want to read about dating, sex and the infamous Booty call.

Just to make myself clear in the beginning, I am not against sex. Quite the opposite actually. I also don’t believe at this point in my life I need to be in a serious long-term relationship to have sex. There I said it. I like sex. I just need and ask for some basic respect. Is that really too much to ask? Don’t call me at 3AM when you have left a bar by yourself and are so drunk you can’t perform anyway.

Picking myself up, dusting myself off and getting back out there

Okay then, how does one begin dating nowadays? I think I am ready for this. I am open to meeting people, am still fairly young, I think. Can that much have changed in 15 years? UH, YEAH! Okay, online dating, Google searches, tax returns, physical forms, my high school and college transcripts, texting, and what the hell is up with “winking?”

The last time I had a first date, I was 19. That doesn’t really seem to compute as a big deal for anyone but me. I would tell people this and their reaction was, that’s not so bad. Well, here it is. I started telling people a couple of facts about the time difference and suddenly their eyes were bugging out of their heads. The last time I went on a date I was almost exactly one half my age. The last time I went on a date, no one I knew had a cell phone. Well, okay, my dad did have that cool bag phone, but I don’t count that, and no one had Internet, never mind e-mail. Crazy huh?

An introduction to my wonderful crazy life

Sitting , watching tv last night, I heard the statement that best describes my life right now.  “Come on, if you don’t laugh, it just sounds mean.”  This, from Barney on one of my favorite sitcoms, How I Met Your Mother.   This is my new mantra. 

This blog was originally suggested by my sister who has been extraordinarily patient with me in listening to all of my stories on the phone.  When I repeated this blog idea to a couple of friends, they all suggested I go for it and one friend set up my blog site while I was still on the phone with her! Thanks Katie!  !

Welcome to my blog!

Inspired by my sister, I've decided to share my stories via blog. If I can find humor in it alI, hope you can too.