Ever notice sometimes that the basic rules we were taught (or most of us were taught) about being polite and courteous are no longer recognized by some adults? Ever notice some adults act like the toddlers we see throwing temper tantrums in the candy aisle when their mom says, “No Johnny, you can’t have the Swedish Fish today.”
Let’s review a few of the rules I use in my house, shall we?
- If you do not have something nice to say, keep your mouth shut.
- Everyone is entitled to have a bad day. It’s not ok to take it out on those around you.
- Words are powerful and they can hurt. You can’t “unsay” them or take them back.
- If you feel like having a “temper tantrum”, go nuts, but go to your room and have it out all you want. The rest of us should not have to deal with it. Come back down when you have gotten it all out of your system.
Recently, as I have been getting out more, I’ve become more aware of how people treat each other and how they treat themselves. For the last 15 years I have tried to teach my kids to be courteous and considerate to those around them, and mindful of the feelings of others. I have recently encountered a few adults who were absent the day in their childhood that this was taught. I notice it when my son will hold a door for an adult that doesn’t say thank you. You bet your ass if the roles were reversed, that adult would comment on how rude my son was. I notice it with people in power positions or in someone positioning themselves for power and control. Its kind of like dealing with little Johnny who wants the Swedish Fish now and to be honest it’s very annoying.
I’m one of those people that will usually take a lot and let it roll off my back, but have noticed lately more adult Johnny’s then I’d like to, and admit it’s starting to wear me thin. I am sometimes hurt, or upset, but it takes quite a bit to make me mad or angry. A lot of times I just see things as not worth the effort or aggravation, other times I know an argument is futile, or I feel it is really about the other person and not so much about me. I don’t like confrontation; that is true. When in these situations I will usually ask myself, what do I want to get out of this? If I put the energy into confronting someone I feel has wronged me in some way, will my confrontation get the desired effect I am looking for.
For many years, I was trained to not “air the dirty laundry”, never make a scene, and always be pleasant. Do you know what happens to those people? They get walked on and used as a doormat. The more time that goes by lately, the more I realize this is what I was. It’s part of the reason I am going through what I am now. I have wanted to change this part of myself, but it’s not like I can just wiggle my nose and make it happen.
What at first appeared to be a negative change in my life has actually given me so much to look forward to. Yes, it can be sad and frustrating sometimes but I think of all the positive, wonderful people I have met and things that are happening right now and I don’t have the time or the energy for the rest of it. The more I go through and the more I accomplish, the stronger and more confident I feel. I am feeling very different and I think the people closest to me are starting to see the effects of this, but I am frustrated now about the way I am still treated by some. You see, they have always treated me this way and gotten away with it, the difference now being that I now I see it for what it is and have a problem with it. I recognized my change in attitude today when verbally attacked by someone I know. It’s not the first time, it happens quite a bit with this person. I have always just blown it off as that’s just her and she can’t handle things when stressed. I tell myself not to take it personally. Well, you know what, it is personal.
So how did I deal with it? First, I did a very rough draft of this blog, while angry and sent it to a friend. Normally, I won’t engage and I didn’t, but my good friend who still has little ones reminded me of a book that became invaluable to me when my kids were little. 1, 2, 3 Magic! I am basically using the very same method and some good old-fashioned ignoring (silence is probably the most powerful tool) to deal with some of these pampered, overindulged adults.
So, a shout out to those who think they can dump when they are having a bad day. Find someone else, or go get some help for your bi-polar disorder! I myself am over the temper tantrums. I didn’t engage in them when my kids were little and I am certainly not going to start now. The new me is all about strength, confidence and empowerment and it’s amazing what three words can do to your attitude and constitution.
Please don’t take my silence as a sign I will just take it or that this is okay and we are good. Unlike some people I will not blow up at you or rant and rave or throw things. I will however make the decision that you and your episodes are not worth my time or energy. I am only letting in the positive from life these days. The negative will not be allowed but watch out as I may use it as material for this blog. Life is too short and you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Your words and actions can have a serious impact on those around you, whether you mean it or not.
